You Win
November 18, 2012

It’s not just the fairy-tales that are fakes.

It’s the T.V. shows too, and the adverts

In between. The newspaper headlines,

The stories are just stories.

Songs about ‘real-life’ are there

For distraction purposes only.

The bus timetable is a lie.

The lecturers promote a false ideology.

The lie after lie after lie that you spout

Has infected everything else.

The only thing honest is the laughter

You try to stifle as you pull the rope

Tighter. You love the short shallow breaths.

The eyes rich with adrenaline.

Groping and choking, this is just a game.

Television
August 28, 2012

by Elexa Rose

i hate it when people
constantly
talk when watching films
or programs on the T.V.
talk and forget or miss
what’s really happening.
they talk to these people
pretend they are real.
care more for their lives than
their own.

i hate watching people
watching T.V.
their faces become wasted
and dead.
contorted by an unrelenting
stream of faked stimuli.
scripted words,
practiced postures
and endless take after take
just so we can sit and talk over it.
and forget what we just saw.

You
April 16, 2012

by Elexa Rose
 
Oh you, oh you,
the way you crack
your fingers backwards.
Too thick glasses,
too big for your face.
I am the one from a far
that has become
that quick little thumb rub
on the corner of your eye
when the day gets late.
Every short grumble or
chuckle rings clear
in between my ears.
My eyes, my skin, my head
is all drawn to your constant
pushing up of shirt sleeves
just because you can’t sit still.
I cannot help but watch,
other sounds dissolve when
my head runs over what I hope,
what I have to keep hope in.
Every day I bring the only thing.
And every day I resent
the moment you will walk home
again.

Day 8. Someone Who Has Made My Life Hell Or Treated Me Like Shit.
November 2, 2011

~Thirty Days of Truth Challenge (http://hope.gr/30-days-of-truth/)~

Oh this is easy. I won’t use any names. He’s an ex. Biggest c*** I have ever met in my entire life. He twisted me round his little fiinger, beat me down and basically controlled my life. Every night was a huge argument about something else I had done wrong and how I couldn’t care for him because I got drunk, or slept with someone he hates before we got together, or I was friends with my ex, or because of anything really. He made me feel so guilty every time I drank, to the point where I genuinely saw it as a sin, and it’s not, it’s perfectly normal and socialable, but no, according to him I only got drunk to spite him, and if I really cared why would I want to drink? Isn’t being with him enough, why can’t I go to a party or go clubbing and stay sober and have fun? Errr because I’m an seventeen/eighteen year old that wants to get drunk with her friends.

He invaded my life completely, literally moved into my parent’s house, he was there every day, before and after 6th form. So one day I’m feeling a bit smothered, so I call him up, say I want the evening to myself because just want some time to myself. But if I cared about him, why, oh why, wouldn’t I want to spend every waking second with him? What an ass. So after another argument, he leaves me alone, so I’m pretty pissed off, I go on msn to one of my best mates and have a little rant. Couple of days later, I go have a shower, I come back and he’s on my laptop, on my msn, on my chat history. He reads it, oh god forbid I complain about him to anyone. Fucking Jesus Christ. So now I’m not allowed to say anything negative about him to my friends. Which turns into, I’m not allowed to see my friends without it. The only time I ever get any space is at 6th form.

So it’s my birthday, my eighteenth, and I’m having cocktails with close friends, and him, at my house, I get a little tipsy, I’m anticipating his anger. Nope, he’s fine. We go out to town, clubbing, he’s got my money because he has pockets and I didn’t want to take a bag. I have like 2 drinks, a jagerbomb and I think a vodka orange, I ask him for money for another drink, but no apparently I’ve had enough. Time to stop. Yup. So that birthday was great.

So a week later, my sister takes me and two of my best mates to London, he’s not allowed to come. We’re going clubbing so I can have a proper crazy eighteenth. The whole time leading up to this event, literally months, he’s been having a go at me for planning it, apparently I’m going to get too drunk (well yeah, duh, it’s my eighteenth, moron) and shag random men. Thanks, you’re supposed to be my boyfriend, I’d never even come close to cheating on him, ever, so he’s got no grounds to stand on, okay, in my past relationship he knows I wasn’t the most faithful person, but things had changed and he knew that. Well I thought he did. So I’m up in London, I get a phone call whilst we’re predrinking, he’s hacked onto my email account, read all my emails, between me and my ex and he absolutely flips out, I tell him I don’t care anymore, I don’t want to be with him if he’s gonne be like this, and if he wants to make it work to not contact me for the rest of the night. He goes absolutely mental and calls and texts me every couple of seconds for the whole night. I get wrecked. I didn’t respond. I had the best night of my life since I met him.

The next day, shit hits the fan. Becaused I sinned. Also, in London I kissed my mate, one of my best mates that I had known for years, who is a GIRL, and our relationship is a perfectly normal platonic one. It wasn’t even a proper kiss, a peck on the lips between girl friends. Apparently this is cheating. It wasn’t. Not in the slightest. But apparently I am the devil incarnate and I’ll do anything to make him believe I care. Why the fuck did I care? What changed in London? God knows.

There’s a few worse things that happened but it’s too personal to thrust into the black hole that is the internet. Basically he was a bully. I broke up with him eventually. He fucked with me for a good 4/5 weeks, in his psyco attempts to get me back. Which include walking for four hours to my house at 2 or 3 in the morning, banging on my window (I have a ground floor bedroom) and not leaving until I talk to him. I literally have to threaten to call the police to get him to leave, but he doesn’t, he spends the night in my car. Another of his attempts, faking a terminal brain tumor, spreading lies and slander about me to his friends, my friends, etc and even telling my parents that I’m suicidal so they don’t let me go out. They don’t listen to him, thank god.

I hate this stupid little boy more than anything in the entire world. He lied to me, he manipulated me, he made me feel like the scum of the Earth. Good job I met a nice guy after. S’all good now (: